3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
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