I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm passing your future prison.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
