i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
