im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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