Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
