final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
