So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
