Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
