i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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