you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
