garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
