I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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