I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
