Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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