He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
