After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
