if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
