dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
