Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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