hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
