So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
