what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Randomize
