Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
