sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
