The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
