kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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