Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
