and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
