I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
