I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
