probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
