Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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