We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
