Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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