the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
