How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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