Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
