I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
