I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
