you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
