I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
If u could sum last night up in one word?