Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
