Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
