i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
