I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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