Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
