Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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