So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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