I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
