Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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