I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
