im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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