ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
