Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
