i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
