How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
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