she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
