No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
