i would punch a child for taco bell
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
