she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
