You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
