had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
His nipple licking is glorious
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