Little spoons don't ask big questions
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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