I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
