and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
