I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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