Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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