i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
