God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
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im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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